Friday, July 27, 2012

Beatrice This Week

This pretty little three year old has given me a run for my money this week. I feel completely drained.

Tantrums, I guess you would call them. But they are usually not over anything at all. For example, one began when she was served a dinner that she was particularly excited about. She laughed until she cried and then just got out of control. The tantrums last from 10-45 minutes. She gets so hysterical that all the normal forms of discipline/consequences only make it worse. She won't be cuddled or hugged. She's fallen and hurt herself during the tantrums and has run into the road. She lashes out at the rest of us.

Today I felt like I was really at the end of my rope. I just held her, despite the thrashing and sobbing. I sang her hymns and rubbed her back. It's heart breaking to want to help your child, but not know how.

Only one thing in the world has worked to calm her down and I'll be damned before I go through that again. (It's telling her a Thomas the Train story that I had to make up on the spot about Thomas delivering sunglasses to all the engines on the Island of Sodor to keep Sir Topham Hat from becoming quite cross. Ugh.)

I'm going to try to get her in to the pediatrician Monday. We are staying home all weekend to work on this. Then I will stay home all next week if I need to. Whatever it takes to get back on a good routine and an even keel with happy, healthy kids.

If you are parent, please share any insight you may have in dealing with this kind of situation.


  1. Wine. Lots and lots of wine. And treating yourself to a nice hot bath. It's so nerve wracking when Arlo gets like that. I try not to let it get to me. I can't keep him from pain and hurt, but I can let him know that I will love him through it all.

    1. P.S. Beatrice is lucky to have such a kind and loving mother as you!

  2. I love this sweet girl so much. I hate to know she's going through this! I know it is rough on both of you. You are one of the best mamas I know, though, so I know you will get through it. *big hugs*

  3. Lily,

    Only two books helped me. One was How to talk so your kids will listen, the other was
    Loving You Child Is Not Enough. Also talking with other friends that had children the same age. It is clear that you are doing a good job, but like water flowing or rushing down stream, they seek new paths while you are suring things up, filling in the cracks. Keep working at it. Be good yo yourself.

  4. Food allergies. Lucy used to act just like this if she got even the tiniest amount of red dye. Was awful. Our pharmacist is the one that suggested that might be it. The doctor told us that allergies in kids, espeically food allergies can present as behavior problems and not as rashes, hives, swollen lips, etc. When doing all my research about 19 years ago, pre-internet, I found that oranges, tomatoes, and other fruits could cause behavior issues through allergies or food sensitivities. We also found out that red dye is in EVERYTHING, even stuff you wouldn't think about, like hamburger to give it that nice red look in the meat case. The Feingold Association was a great resource for me back then. They are now online. They provide lists of foods that contain dyes and other allergens. And nut allergies are different, but I wouldn't discount them.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. But this was about the age that Lucy started having the issues with the dye. I know how hard it is. I would sit and cry because I couldn't do anything to help her.

    Once we cut out the thing causing the allergies, she returned to being a normal, happy child who occasionally threw a tantrum. I wish you the best. Parenting can be hard and we all hate to see our child suffering and as parents, the stress is not so great for us either.

    Good luck.

  5. I second the comment about food sensitivities and allergies. We are currently working towards going Failsafe for my three year old son, but we are all doing it in support. Removing all preservatives and additives. But than there also things that occur naturally in foods that can cause problems like amines. Our diet was already pretty healthy because I cook mostly from scratch I don't use packet or jar bases, but we're finding it's more the things that occur naturally in some foods he is reacting to with negative behaviours. Feel free to email if you like I can suggest some books etc to look at. But yes I hear you about these behaviours but slowly but surely my son is settling down as we tackle the food issues along with positive parenting. Best of luck.

  6. Hello,

    you know, kids at the age of three years change their mental concepts in a great way: They go change from the senso-motoric stage to the pre-operational stage. This is due to a bit of a re-arrangement of brain structures. Furthermore, when social issues are concerned, kids at the age of three (until 6 or 7 years) are by nature egocentric. You can investigate this phenomenon best when asking your child to put on the hands on the eyes. Then your child thinks noone can see it! what I want to tell you is that in this stage all good telling is more or less useless, because kids don´t get an insight into the good of rules or whatever. you as a parent has to stand it/ endure it or "autism at the push of a button.

    Best of luck!
    From germany.

    sources: works of Piaget and a primary-school-teachership.